i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Randomize
