I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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