well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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