I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
