His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
