I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
