How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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