Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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