Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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