Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
