Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
