Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
