grandma shit on top of the toilet
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
