i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I think I died a long time ago.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
