So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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