I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
