This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Randomize
