its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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