planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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