you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just googled if crying burns calories
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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