This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
