u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
