he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
