My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
