im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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