Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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