lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
