Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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