People in love make me want to vomit
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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