god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
