you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
