Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
