16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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