ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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