I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
