Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
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Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
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And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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