So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
