So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
