shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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