Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
