At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
