dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
