last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
