Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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