I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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