Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
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