Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
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