Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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