I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
