Are we in a gay sports bar?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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