I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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