today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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