I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
