So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I seem to have left my pride at pride
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
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Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
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Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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