Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
