he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
