tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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