dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
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I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
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It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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