We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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