my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
