it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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