I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
