she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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