A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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