Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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