the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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