I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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