WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
