party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
