it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
