I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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