3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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