I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
