I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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