I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
