So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
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I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
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I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He? As in you personified your dick?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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