I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I checked into jail on foursquare
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
