he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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