Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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