I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
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A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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