we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
