I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
