P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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