youre lurking in front of me
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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