Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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