careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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